If in doubt, throw it out

I look cute in this dress, I was told. Cute? Ugh. I needed no more criteria than that to decide it must be immediately culled from my wardrobe.

A little while ago I cleaned out my wardrobe – all those long-unworn items were ruthlessly tossed from their hangers.

I undertake this task periodically, and sometimes decision-making can be difficult: “But it’s really cute!” (devil on shoulder) … “But you haven’t worn it in three years!” (angel on other shoulder). In these thorny situations I dust off my old motto: If in doubt, throw it out.

This dress was an error right from its inception. I bought it on eBay after trawling through a search for items from Cue. I thought it was cute. Kinda 1920s. And I loved the putty colour combined with silvery-grey; the fabric is a kind of dull metallic taffeta. I knew my size in Cue. No problem, I thought. I pipped several other bidders at the post.

I must have been suffering from F.B.B.F. (Fashion Bargain Brain Fever).

But I had overlooked something. The problem became evident when the dress arrived: out of laziness, I had neglected to check its length, and I found it to be extremely short. Disgrace would be inevitable if I merely bent over to pick up a dropped pen.

I thought about having it altered, but I didn’t want to throw good money after bad. Finally, the solution I arrived at was to wear a slip under it. I wasn’t happy with this stop-gap measure, but my vintage petticoat features a scalloped hemline, and I decided to trust to ‘cuteness’ to carry it off.

Well, seemingly it worked. But I was … cute. No. Non, nein, nyet! What had I been thinking? I must have been suffering from F.B.B.F. (Fashion Bargain Brain Fever). It was a lost cause; it was time to throw in the towel and admit defeat.

Out of eBay it came; to eBay it must return.