One Glove For All

I’m starting a new trend. That’s right, you read it here first. I decree: One crocheted lace glove shall be worn at the breakfast table. That is all.

On Sunday my esteemed relatives and I were celebrating my birthday (and my sister Blossom’s too, but who cares about that because I’m Princess Tatiana), and early on in the proceedings, my mum came out gingerly holding one crocheted lace glove. It didn’t look like much, all shrivelled up, without a hand inside it. “Is this yours?” she asked.

My lip curled. “It is not.” A hazy yet precious memory of lilac-coloured cheesecloth drifted through my mind. “I believe it to be Star’s.” Nevertheless I tried it on. My sister Serena and I giggled, and she informed me that I looked like Michael Jackson.

I decree: One crocheted lace glove shall be worn at the breakfast table.

“I’ll leave it on and see how long it takes for anyone to notice,” I grinned wickedly.

Before long Blossom and her husband made their appearance. She sat upon the settee next to me and immediately inquired as to why I had on only one glove. I cannot be certain, but the One-Gloved-One’s name may have been mentioned at this time. Serena and I tittered musically.

Then Star, her husband, and her daughter arrived, and I was sure that numerous and ribald references to the Moonwalker would be made on the instant. But nothing was forthcoming. Quite half an hour later, Star finally ventured to say tentatively, “Why are you wearing one glove?”

“At last!” I exclaimed. My hand was getting hot. I peeled the glove off with relief. “I can’t believe it took you so long to notice!”

Star and her daughter replied that they had noticed immediately, but they had declined to remark, for fear of hurting my feelings. There were numerous mentions of Mr Jackson. Then Star told us that she had worn the gloves to a wedding, accessorising a purple cheesecloth dress. “It belongs to me,” she reached for the article.

“Nothing doing,” I denied, snatching up the glove and stuffing it into my purse. “It has lain unclaimed for more than twenty years. This is a Story, and photographic evidence is required.”

I’m serious about the new Fashion Decree though. No, really.