Those Annoying Ribbons and their Irritating Propensities

Who, I say WHO, finds those useless ribbons attached to the insides of one’s garments as annoying and irritating as I do? A stupider sartorial invention I cannot at present think of, made all the more so when they are attached to t-shirts of all things.

I grant you, on OCCASION they can be useful to attach strapless dresses to hangers, or keep slippery silk blouses from slipping to the bottom of one’s closet, but in the main they cause more grief than relief. Observe:

The Spaghetti

These long ribbon straps (see fig.1, pictured top) hang inside sleeveless garments to torment one when one zips up a dress, snagging in the fastening; and when one is out, by managing to work free by some mysterious agent and hang down by one’s side like a long noodle. Both unattractive and irksome. Solution: cut them off.

on OCCASION they can be useful …
but in the main they cause more grief than relief.

The Choker

Another tricky ribbon that turns the process of dressing into one that bears some resemblance to putting one’s head in a noose (fig 2, above). Daunting, and uncomfortable. Also entirely unnecessary as t-shirts can be folded flat into a drawer and the ribbon is thus rendered entirely dysfunctional. Solution: cut it off.

The Dishabille

My personal favourite (fig 3, above), these two ribbons are sewn into the shoulders of garments and have a remarkable propensity to work their way outside a neckline to hang freely down the front (bad), or back (worse, since they are not immediately discernible). At best, they tickle on the inside and deceive one into thinking the straps of one’s brassiere are slipping, making one feel dishevelled and unladylike. Pesky and pointless. Solution: cut them off, cut them off!