Dita Comes to the Rescue

Recently I realised I was in need of a new skin-toned strapless bra. I had too many summer tops and dresses that I was unable to wear because they required a strapless bra – either spaghetti-strapped tops and dresses, or racer-back tanks. Nothing more quickly ruins the elegance and simplicity of these styles than superfluous bra straps.

However, to my disgust, I very quickly realised that there was a dearth of pretty strapless bras available in Melbourne. I searched high and low in three department stores and two boutiques, and discovered that nearly all of the strapless bras available were in that horrible dark beige seamless polyamide, and of those, it was virtually impossible to find any without any excess padding.

Dita von Teese designs for Wonderbra – the world’s most famous push-up braI consider it false advertising to wear a push-up bra – what you see is what you get in my world. And all these padded brown bras were extremely plain – neither a trim of lace nor satin bow was to be seen on a one. The only pretty strapless bra I found was in the Elle McPherson range – it was all white lace – too ornamental and textured for everyday wear, as well as the wrong colour.

And just a note on these so-called ‘nude’ toned bras: I didn’t find any the colour of my skin. If you are a woman of colour – hooray! But if you are very fair skinned, you are doomed to wear a brown bra for all eternity. You can get different shades of beige and brown in stockings, and foundation – why not bras for heaven’s sake?

I jumped up and down to test it – it passed with flying colours.

Dita does black lace strapless corsets tooThen I discovered the Dita Von Teese lingerie range in Myer. In amongst the red and black racy lacy numbers, I found a 50s-style peach satin bra that reminded me just a little of that bra Jean Paul Gaultier made for Madonna way back when (except for the pointy cone bits). It was pretty, just decorative enough without being frou-frou, and it was sturdily constructed: the strap around the back was wide, with three hook-and-eye closures, which makes for more security. (I jumped up and down to test it – it passed with flying colours.) The only odd thing was that it seemed to be a smaller fit than usual, and I had to go up a size in the band. It comes with removable straps, so it can be worn as a regular bra too.

I must ask though, WHY do lingerie manufacturers seem to think that strapless bras must necessarily be ugly bras? It just doesn’t make any sense. Thank goodness Dita came to the rescue!

Ready-To-Wear

I don’t own very many flat shoes – they seem to hurt my feet much more than heels. However, I do like to wear a stylish pair when I am on my feet all day. So when I saw this classic pair of RED leather Mary-Janes, I couldn’t possibly resist, could I? (Because goodness knows I need more red shoes.)

It’s always risky buying untried shoes online, but this time the risk was rendered negligible because they are from the Multifit range by Diana Ferrari – a tried and true fit that ensures comfort on long days. Cute, comfy and red, what more could I need? They didn’t even need wearing in!

Read more about the history of Mary-Janes here. 

The Intrepid Umbrella Huntress

I am known, in some circles, as the Wrecker of Parasols, the Destroyer of Umbrellas, the Saboteur of Sunshades. Alas, it is all too true. It all comes about by an unfortunate concatenation of circumstance, which can usually be blamed on the wildness of Melbourne’s weather, or the freakish driving skills of our city’s illustrious public transport servants. (Once a tram driver braked so suddenly my newest parasol banged against the door of the tram, and the celluloid handle snapped right off. I am still not over that tragedy.)

I am also known as the Procuress of Vintage Parasols, the Intrepid Umbrella Huntress …

The flipside, however, is that I am also known as the Procuress of Vintage Parasols, the Intrepid Umbrella Huntress – for I am always having to hunt down a worthy replacement for the last carcass. I can’t possibly carry an ordinary black collapsible umbrella from a supermarket, for instance. (It always amuses me when I see upended umbrella skeletons – a common sight in Melbourne – poking out of rubbish bins where they have patently been thrust in rage by commuters, exhausted with wrestling with them.)

My newest umbrella is quite possibly the girliest umbrella known to man. It is a pagoda style (sigh); strawberry-pink-and-cream striped and trimmed with a frill, with 50s-style black and white illustrations of two pooches snuggling together. There are even darling little ribbons sewn onto one of the dogs’ collars. The handle is a bow, and there is a tasselled loop hanging off it for ease of carrying. So far it has been surprisingly resilient in the gale-force winds and rain we’ve been experiencing in the last fortnight.

SHOP ONLINE

The umbrella is by Black Rhinoceros and I found it in a cute little Melbourne boutique full of amusing Chinese imports, but you can buy it here. There is a collapsible version also available. Also search eBay for pagoda umbrellas (nothing came up for Black Rhinoceros); poodles here, and there is also a pussycat version – the last one in black and white. 

Running in Stockings

When it comes to the sport of fashion, the last thing you want to compete in is running in stockings. That is just a tragedy, especially when fine 10 deniers on a first outing are concerned (as happened to me at a wedding last year – I had even made sure to file my nails before I donned them!).

But these brown stockings are worthy of an award: the blue ribbon for Valour in Fashion in fact, for they have served me well for a long time. Sturdy 60 or 80 denier ensured they lasted for very many years until only the other week. An unnoticed snag turned into a 20cm run down my thigh after I tugged them on again in the bathroom (this is one reason why I prefer stayups to tights).

It was a sad day when I said farewell, but first I snapped them, then I trashed them, and now here they are immortalised for eternity. Thank you brown stockings, you served me bravely and well. 

The Ugly Hat

My mum shows a real talent for unearthing both hilarious and horrid things from her daughters’ childhoods or adolescence. Once it was a single crocheted glove that belonged to my sister Star; another time a pair of olive green velvet knickerbockers of mine (which mournfully no longer fitted me so I donated them to charity).

Then more recently there was this blue hat. It was part of my uniform I wore for my casual job at the Arnott’s biscuit factory during my art school years. Behold it in all its polyester glory. Isn’t it hideous? Ladies with long hair had to wear hairnets too – fortunately I escaped that horrible fate. I had to laugh when I put it on again though, it actually somewhat resembles a 20s cloche – the kind a maid wore. (My vintage 20s duster cap is much prettier.) Which is quite apt as the repugnance I have for this hat probably owes more to its associations with my past servitude than intrinsic ugliness.  

This is one accessory which will not be taken out in the light of day (or the dark of night for that matter), but I am too sentimental to part with it.