To Bra or Not To Bra

(A Pictorial Guide)

Lately I have been seeing a hideous sight on the streets of Melbourne. Women who, from the front, look perfectly presentable in their high-necked frocks. They pass you, and you glance back to check out the rear view of the dress you have just admired.

Shock! Horror! The dress is backless/low cut/features a keyhole cut-out/is criss-crossed with straps … and the woman is wearing a bra! What is worse is when the bra in question is grey with age. Even more heinous in evening dress than daywear.

Why? Why, why, why why? Why would anyone do this? It’s ghastly!

I am flummoxed, bewildered and most of all bothered.

There is nothing more elegant when a well-cut garment that is demure in the front is cut away in the rear, revealing a woman’s beautiful bare back. A woman who wears such a gown should be bold enough to dispense with the bra. If she is truly chic it will not even cross her mind to wear one. On the other hand, if she is that timid to go braless, then perhaps she should rethink her decision to purchase the gown. Period. Observe:

Yet another crime against chic is the clear plastic bra straps that attach to strapless bras. They are ugly. Do away with them. Even more frightening, it has come to my attention that one can purchase clear plastic straps which have been bedazzled! (Do I need to state: stay away from those tacky accessories unless you want to be mistaken for a grid girl?)

If my sage words are not enough to convice you, Ines de la Fressange, in her book Parisian Chic has this to say of them (under the heading of ‘Fashion Faux Pas’):

No-one ever gets used to them. A stylish visible bra is far sexier, and if you really want to wear a strapless dress or top, how about a strapless bra too?

So, wear the strapless bra as it is meant to be worn: strapless, under a strapless, or spaghetti-strapped garment. If it is a good quality piece of lingerie, and fitted correctly, it will hold you up. (Just remember not to jump up and down too much or something inadvertent and horrible may happen to you: scroll down to see.)

Double Indemnity

A few years ago in Vietnam I bought a black onyx ring. It was minimal, elegant, and cut from a single, smooth piece of stone. I adored it.

Not long after I returned home, while removing my jewellery in the bathroom before bed, I dropped the ring to the ceramic tiles underfoot. The result was devastating: my ring broke into two pieces! Although I tried to glue it back together, it (unsurprisingly) fell apart as soon as I slipped it on. Mournfully I placed the pieces in my jewellery box, unable to throw them away entirely.

Years later, I found another ring in Barcelona, and although it was not as fat and sleek as the first, I promptly purchased it. Guess what happened soon after I returned from my travels? Curses! You’d think I would have learned to be more cautious.

This time – in order to expunge my abysmal carelessness from my memory – I determined to find a replacement immediately. After a little wailing and beating of my breast, I turned to eBay. I located a seller in China who had more than ten onyx rings available. There was only one hitch: I wasn’t sure of my size.

A handy reference: ring conversion chart from World Ring MarketAustralian ring sizes are lettered. I couldn’t remember which finger was which size: N, O, P? The seller had US-sized 7s and 8s in stock. I found a ring conversion chart online that also indicated the diameter of the respective sizes, and measured the shattered remains of the old rings. Erring on the side of caution, I decided on the 8. If it was too big for my ring finger, I would wear it on the middle.

And since they were only $3 each, this time, to cover myself, I bought two!

They duly arrived in the post, and I was pleased to see that although they weren’t as wide as the original ring from Vietnam, neither were they as slender as their Spanish counterpart. Needless to say, I am treating these rings with more reverence.

Heart-Broken-Shoes

My heart is broken. So are two of my favourite pairs of shoes: one with a broken back, the other with a broken strap.

My regular shoe repairer examined the pair on the left, and pronounced that the shank of the right shoe was broken, and he couldn’t repair it, as a special machine utilising a magnet (which he didn’t own) would be required to extract the nail from the heel. He suggests a repairer in the city … who seems to have changed address – boo!

The left wedge sports a broken strap in the toe box. When I made its discovery, I dismissed the shoe as a lost cause – but maybe not? Not when you consider there would be a broken heart left in its wake? They’re still in good nick otherwise; I must try again. Fingers (and toes) crossed!

Airing the Dirty Linen

Quite a while ago I wrote a story about the stinky shoes (coincidentally, also red and shiny – see previous post). Now, unexpectedly, I find myself writing a story about the stinky skirt. This one above. It’s so cute with its polka-dots and denim-look pleats that it’s hard to believe, isn’t it?

I bought it on Etsy. I admired it for a long time, until I finally ceased resisting its allure and clicked ‘add to basket’. Then I waited for Australia Post to deliver it to me. When I eagerly ripped open the package and the skirt tumbled out, an over-powering stench reached my nostrils.

I wasn’t too worried at first. I thought, “Never mind, a good wash will take care of that evil smell.” No. The vintage 80s skirt is made of rayon and acetate and must be dry-cleaned only. Bother. I didn’t know if dry-cleaning would have any effect, so before I went to the expense, I decided to air the skirt.

When I eagerly ripped open the package … an over-powering stench reached my nostrils.

After a day of hanging in the shade, the skirt smelled just as bad as before. I couldn’t decide quite what was the origin of the odour. Damp? Mothballs? Lengthy storage? Dead body? I left the skirt out on the line, periodically rescuing it from the intermittent pre-Christmas rain. (It actually got a little wet during Christmas Day’s thunderstorms – I’d left it hanging by an open window. Fortunately the rayon content was not such that the skirt shrivelled.)

On about the fourth day I took the drastic step of hanging it out in the glare of the full sun, although I took the precaution of turning it inside out to prevent fading. In fact, it was a week before the smell dissipated. But huzzah! I can wear it now!

Serendipitously, I discovered what caused the stench. On Boxing Day I was sorting out bags of my own old clothes I had stored in the garage. Most of them were fine, but from one bag emanated the same smell that was in the skirt. When I got to the bottom of it, I found water had seeped into it, and some of the items at the bottom were literally growing mouldy. Ugh! All the clothes in the bag were impregnated with the unpleasant smell, but fortunately that was remedied with a regular wash cycle.

On to the next sartorial adventure!

Step Away From the Mangle

Vintage Vogue Pattern girls from A Dress A Day

Yesterday I attended a fashion workshop at Circa, a wonderful vintage boutique in Fitzroy, and learned how to identify vintage fabrics using the burn test and how to launder them. I used to call myself the queen of stain-removal, but there were plenty of things I didn’t know.

Washing is the worst thing you can inflict on vintage clothes, Nicole Jenkins of Circa told us. Silk, for example, will not stop at shrinking once the first time you wash it – every time you wash it, it will shrink a little more. (So I’m not putting on weight – that’s the good news!) Rayon crepe is the worst offender. It will shrink a lot if wet: something that started life as a size AU14 will shrink to a size AU10, so always dry-clean. Most – in particular 1950s or older – vintage silk garments should be dry-cleaned too.

Check out the cute wooden dolly pegs in this 1920s photo; image from Things Your Grandmother KnewWe heard an amusing anecdote about the Melbourne Cup in 1932. Apparently, many women were wearing rayon crepe dresses, and when it poured with rain (as it often does during Spring Racing Carnival), all their dresses shrank. (This was long before Jean Shrimpton’s time.)

Cotton and linen can stand a lot more rough stuff, especially lingerie and shirts, which would have been made for constant wear and regular washing. And of course we no longer use copper cauldrons, wringers and mangles, so hand-washing these more sturdy items will not ruin them (if they’ve lasted this long…). Still, it is always better to dry garments flat and in the shade to prevent fading from the sun.

Washboard and mangle; image from Just B Cuz (Flickr)

Wool is a much more sturdy fibre, and as most marks will brush off. Anything tailored should be dry-cleaned, although knits can be hand-washed, especially before storing away over summer. Moths will go straight for dirty spots in clothes, looking for protein to munch on. I use wooden balls impregnated with cedar oil to keep moths away, rather than the stinky regular mothballs. I make sure to keep them well away from the garments, however. Lavender is a delightful alternative.

Moths will go straight for dirty spots in clothes, looking for protein
to munch on.

Laundry trivia

• Vintage dyes are quite unstable, especially red, and prints, but Dylon’s run remover can help seemingly ruined garments.
• Don’t use a eucalyptus-based cleaner for elasticised items, as the oil will degrade it; use another product for your lingerie.
• 1940s shoulder pads can be full of all sorts of scraps – sawdust, soiled bandages (yes, really – shudder).
• Freezing is very good for silk: hand-wash, roll in towel to remove excess water, freeze, then iron.
• In an emergency, makeup smudges can be carefully spot-cleaned using makeup wipes (although launder asap, in case of bleach spots appearing later on); otherwise do not spot-clean.
• Spray vodka onto stains and remove body odour.
• To clean vintage fur, put the item in a pillowcase with a cup of bran and shake. The bran will pick up the dirt.
• Iron velvet inside out so pile goes into pile, rather than flattening out.

I love this article at Fashion Era if you’re looking for more detail on how to launder your precious vintage garments. Nicole’s blog at Circa is also full of interesting articles about very unexpected problems, accompanied by full colour photos. Happy laundering!