The Inter-Universe Beauty Pageant

I am delighted to bring to you this evening a remnant of my youth. Not my extreme youth when I used to draw on the blank pages – or those with only a few lines of print – of my sister’s Enid Blyton books, but from the time that I had been brought to a sense of the iniquities of defacing other people’s books and graduated to clean sheets of paper – which was sometimes stolen out of my next older sister’s college folders. (I am not sure where this obsession with drawing on stolen papergoods came from.)

Anyway, this delightful exercise book, covered in floral wrapping paper, is full of drawings of girls participating in an inter-universe beauty pageant being held on earth. Each girl has a series of stats accompanying her portrait, such as planet of origin, occupation, skin colour etc. Miss Minor-Planets’ skin is an arresting shade of acid yellow, and Miss Bottlestar’s is, er, bottle-green. Every colour of the rainbow, in fact, makes an appearance.

Introducing your hostesses, Orrielle Starlight and Andromeda X

A word about our gracious hostesses, Miss Uranus and Miss Jupiter: these lovely ladies were actually drawn by my older sister. Hers was the brain that conceived this splendid project, but she grew bored after drawing two contestants. I managed to fill an entire exercise book, and appropriated her superior beings as hostesses.

Miss Uranus, despite the handicap of extra-long arms is impeccably attired in a sunray-pleated dress and is the proud possessor of yellow over-the-knee boots. Miss Jupiter, (Flight Attendant, 3rd Squadron), on the other hand, is conventionally blonde, and models a saucy midriff-baring dress. Perhaps Jupiter was colonised by a bevy of belly-dancers? 

Perhaps Jupiter was colonised by a bevy of belly-dancers?

Next time on the Inter-Universe Beauty Channel, we’ll hear from Miss Earth (model and air hostess), Miss Venus (gardeness [sic]) and Miss Neptune (‘skindiver’ – ???). I obviously had never heard the term ‘landscape gardener’, and I do not like to speculate what on earth a skindiver could be!

For now, tuning out.

Note: You’ll be able to find these contestants all in their own Galaxy Gallery so you can chuckle over them upclose and personal.